Reclaiming The Deaf Term: HEARING, MOTHER FATHER DEAF

I’ve resisted the term CODA from the beginning, which is unlike me. I’m big on allowing members of a group to define their own identity and not to define them when I am not a member of the group. But the term that Americans have gleefully adopted to define those who are hearing with Deaf parents has always been jarring and wrong on some fundamental level for me.

The first thing that I was able to explain that was wrong was the addition of “adult” to “children of deaf.” I mean, what, are we trying to make sure people understand that they’re not children of children? Not children of senior citizens? Not children of rocks? What? I know they were trying to avoid confusion with the more common acronym “COD,” or Cash On Delivery. But it immediately struck me as ridiculous and still does.

Other than that, it still felt wrong. But I couldn’t explain why. I read Paul Preston’s book, Mother Father Deaf, and I realized, yesyesyes, that term feels so right. When I started signing it instead (or sometimes HEARING, MOTHER FATHER DEAF), it felt like the universe was smiling on me. I didn’t have the words to articulate why this felt so right, however, except that it was the “Deaf way.”

It’s been interesting to note the reactions I’ve received when signing it the old Deaf way rather than just fingerspelling CODA. If I had a nickel for every time someone replied, “Ohohoh, you mean CODA...” Others have given me a blank stare. Still others say, “RIGHT, CODA THAT.” *shrug* I’m not going to stop doing what I’m doing, even if it somehow discombobulates those around me.

When I was reading Paddy Ladd’s weighty tome, Understanding Deaf Culture: In Search of Deafhood, so I could see what the fuss was about, I was struck by the Britishism HMFD. Ladd explains that British Deaf people sign HEARING MOTHER FATHER DEAF, and they’ve made it into an acronym. The Deaf community there uses HMFD. That was like a homecoming for me. YES! HMFD! Yes!

I’ve been struggling for years to articulate just why I hate the term CODA so much, and I don’t think I’m there yet, but I’m much closer than I was. For one thing, it bothers me that the old term wasn’t good enough for them. They had to reject the ASL phrase and turn to English to define themselves. To me, that is a wholesale repudiation of what makes them unique. I’m offended by that.

I know what I said is going to offend at least some of you. But I just had to get that out of my system. I really find the term CODA to be a denial of their heritage. They weren’t satisfied with the beautiful ASL phrase and they turned to the majority language, cobbled together an awkward, ridiculous, laughable acronym, and shoved it in our faces, getting offended when Deaf people didn’t immediately jump on the bandwagon. (Oh, yes. I remember some of them scolding me way back when.) No wonder so many of us caved. Again, I’m all for allowing people to define themselves, but this sticks in my craw.

And now to find that the Deaf community across the pond embraces the British Sign Language phrase, wow. That was liberating. I hope we can do the same here, even though I’m not optimistic. I plan to continue using the ASL phrase HEARING MOTHER FATHER DEAF, and I think I may start using HMFD in print.

I offer this not to cause controversy or hard feelings, but as food for thought, whether you agree or not.